Thankful
THANKFUL……I had a little breakdown this morning which is unusual for me. It wasn’t because of what Addi is going through which is a lot but what I saw in the waiting room and what so many other children and parents are going through. To see the world through the eyes of a child with cancer will change you. To hear the story of a parent who is fighting along side their child will change you. It will change your perspective and it will make you truly thankful for things you once took for granted. I know it has me!
As I sat in the MSK waiting room, I looked around and there were probably 20 plus other kids with their parents around us fighting the same beast we are but today it just hit me hard. I went to let the tech know that Addi had drank all the contrast for her CT and when I rounded the corner there was a mother down on her knees in front of her son trying to comfort him….he was bald except for a small patch on his head and there were large, fresh scars where his head had recently been opened up. I assume from the cancer since we are in the children’s cancer wing. I walked past them and there was a dad carrying his 8 or so year old child because she was so sick and weak she couldn’t walk herself. She was crying and was holding a green bag to vomit in. I then got behind a teenager who had IV’s connected and was being assisted by a nurse and parent as he was trying so desperately to get out of his wheelchair and walk. Then I heard a mom and dad discussing with the social worker their future as they just received a cancer diagnosis for their teenage son. He looked on as they talked with sadness and fear. He KNOWS what’s going on and what’s about to come for him. His entire teenage life just changed and everything he’s known just changed with the word CANCER. Then I looked into the eyes of a beautiful little girl that was bald, thin, pale and her eye was drooping. She looked sad and afraid and my heart just couldn’t take it anymore. I ran to the bathroom and cried for about 5 minutes then wiped my eyes, said a prayer for these children then went to the side of my own little cancer warrior. I looked at her smiling, running around the couch laughing and I just had to be thankful. Thankful that God has protected her, saw fit for her to live and brought her this far. Thankful that although her cancer is bad….it could be worse! Thankful that she’s still here and fighting, thankful she’s able to eat without a tube down her nose to feed her, thankful her hair is growing back, thankful she can walk/talk/run/play. Our lives have been turned upside down and we don’t even know what normal is anymore……we don’t know day to day what the next day will hold but I can’t even express how THANKFUL I am right now, in this moment for Addi and for God’s mercy, grace, faithfulness and the hope he’s given us through HIM!
I ask you to look at your children and be thankful for their good health. Put into perspective life and what matters and how thankful you should be not only for a healthy child but just to be alive!!! I used to freak out when mine was sick but oh how I wish I could have walked through the doors of a child’s cancer center back then because I would have seen everything through new eyes and just been……THANKFUL!